dear august

dear august,

it seems i have found some bearings, and time, to start writing again after a five-month lull. i have put up new things at the fig tree.

i have also changed. in the way i view the world, the way i view things (like money, fame, beauty), and the way i view myself. i’ve slowed down in my life, and in my stride. i’m trying to put 1 John 3:16 into practice.

this is what they call a new season? or just growing old. or am i spiritually maturing.

strangely what often comes to mind are the people i’ve hurt.  i think about what i could have not done. and about my younger, conceited self with the focal point always on me. it was all about how i felt, what i thought, what i wanted to do. i am sorry. really. and by sorry i mean i won’t do it again.

not that (any of) you would want to come into my life again, i understand. it’s ok, i don’t expect it.

i have also been thinking about love. not sexual, romantic love. but spiritual, agape love – the look outwards, not in. the focus on others and not self. without expecting anything in return.

i am blessed to be living in a country with no civil conflicts, economic strife, war, disease outbreak or natural disasters. i have a home, a family, a job. most of the time, what i fret over are first-world problems: what to have for lunch, what should i do with the weekend, should i spend a few thousands on a new watch, where to go for the next holiday.

and while most of us feel sad and disturbed when reading about people dying and suffering in distant lands (especially of the conflict in iraq/syria/israel/gaza), five minutes later we are thinking: what’s for lunch, or laughing at a cat video online.

we’re back to the loop of self-focus.

humans are ironic. many of us seek happiness, and yet we seek it through a constant assessment and revision of our circumstances. if contentment leads to happiness, then our behaviour is all backwards.

“生在福中不知福”

the question though, really is: how can i put this all into practice. i hope that my next post will be an update on some actionable steps.

🙂

 

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